So in the past year, I've gone through quite a few changes. One including moving in with my boyfriend. Shockingly (kind of...), we did not kill each other, and when he bought a house, I was invited to stay with him, and for it to be "our" house. Everyone knows it's the woman's responsibility to fill said house.
It is happening a little faster than expected, but I will be adding to our little family. This weekend! I bought an adorable chocolate lab puppy named Riley :) (pets are all I can do - it is no where near time for little children!)
So Miss Riley will be joining the fam (of already a dog and 2 cats) this weekend. I get to leave in the morning after work to go home and see everyone and pick up my baby! I am sure Bella is going to be super stoked to play with a puppy...until she realizes said puppy is getting in the car and coming back to her house. Hopefully they get along... I know Pika is not going to be even remotely pleased, but Payton may enjoy someone new to play with.
I have had quite a few large dogs throughout my life, and my parents currently have a lab, so I am aware of the trials that we'll face, but I also know that I want a huge dog that thinks she's a lap dog. Plus, labs have more love than practically any animal I have ever seen. She's going to fit right in :)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
there's no place like home.
I hate St. Louis. Don't get me wrong...I love SLU, and I know I made the right choice in spending 3.5 years of my life there. I got a great education and met a FEW people that I know I will be friends with for a long time. I learned a lot about psychology and life in general, and I have a lot of memories that I am beyond grateful for.
But I HATE St. Louis. I think I have always kind of felt this way, but now I am starting to feel stuck here. I had imagined I would be leaving again for school, but now we're getting ready to move into this house, and St. Louis suddenly seems so permanent, and I REALLY don't want it to be. It sounds bad, but it St. Louis is just so full of uneducated, unmotivated, and self-centered people that it makes doing anything completely annoying. Driving, being at a grocery store, etc. Anything public, to be quite honest.
Driving, especially. I have always not enjoyed driving, but it sucks so much more here than home. I expect to get tboned pulling into my apt complex. That is NOT ok. Why do I expect it? Well, because there are countless people who think they are too good to sit at the red light, so they try to make 2 quick "right on red"s while I am legally turning left on a green arrow. At least once I week, I have to slam on my brakes to avoid a collision. Why do these people think they're too good to wait? Because if I could talk to them, I would promise them that they are NOT too good to wait like the rest of the world. Then, today, I was driving home and a person stopped in my lane. Just stopped. They then proceeded to get into the suicide lane to turn left, I assume. As I go to continue in my lane, the come right back into it. I had to slam on my brakes and swerve into the other lane. How can people be so self-centered that they don't even think about other people on the road? It's dangerous. And an annoying character flaw.
That's how it is down here, though. In an area where poverty is so common (which I know I should feel bad about...) people are uneducated, ignorant, self-centered, and they expect things to be handed to them. I want to be somewhere where mostly everyone works hard for what they have and have an appreciation for life. I don't want to be here.
But I HATE St. Louis. I think I have always kind of felt this way, but now I am starting to feel stuck here. I had imagined I would be leaving again for school, but now we're getting ready to move into this house, and St. Louis suddenly seems so permanent, and I REALLY don't want it to be. It sounds bad, but it St. Louis is just so full of uneducated, unmotivated, and self-centered people that it makes doing anything completely annoying. Driving, being at a grocery store, etc. Anything public, to be quite honest.
Driving, especially. I have always not enjoyed driving, but it sucks so much more here than home. I expect to get tboned pulling into my apt complex. That is NOT ok. Why do I expect it? Well, because there are countless people who think they are too good to sit at the red light, so they try to make 2 quick "right on red"s while I am legally turning left on a green arrow. At least once I week, I have to slam on my brakes to avoid a collision. Why do these people think they're too good to wait? Because if I could talk to them, I would promise them that they are NOT too good to wait like the rest of the world. Then, today, I was driving home and a person stopped in my lane. Just stopped. They then proceeded to get into the suicide lane to turn left, I assume. As I go to continue in my lane, the come right back into it. I had to slam on my brakes and swerve into the other lane. How can people be so self-centered that they don't even think about other people on the road? It's dangerous. And an annoying character flaw.
That's how it is down here, though. In an area where poverty is so common (which I know I should feel bad about...) people are uneducated, ignorant, self-centered, and they expect things to be handed to them. I want to be somewhere where mostly everyone works hard for what they have and have an appreciation for life. I don't want to be here.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
back to square one?
I have basically been continuously changing my mind over the past few months - I wanted to go to grad school, then I was rejected by UMSL and I had no desire to go anywhere, then I visited Indiana and fell in love with the program, then I was rejected, which made me wonder if I even wanted to go to graduate school for psychology. I began looking into counseling programs, and it seemed like a great idea - mostly because they wanted my transcript and that's it. They didn't care what my GRE score was - they were impressed with my GPA (which I feel is a much better indicator of how I will do in graduate school), so I felt wanted.
However, I had a realization yesterday - getting a MA in counseling is the same as just giving up. It is taking the easy way out and giving up on my dream, so I will be taking a year off. I will spend this year looking into maybe taking the GRE again, looking at some Ph.D. (in both clinical and counseling psych), some Psy.D., and some MA programs in clinical psych and doing the whole application process again.
If it doesn't work out, then I can do a MA in counseling, but at least I'll know that I put my all into it.
Hopefully it works out...
However, I had a realization yesterday - getting a MA in counseling is the same as just giving up. It is taking the easy way out and giving up on my dream, so I will be taking a year off. I will spend this year looking into maybe taking the GRE again, looking at some Ph.D. (in both clinical and counseling psych), some Psy.D., and some MA programs in clinical psych and doing the whole application process again.
If it doesn't work out, then I can do a MA in counseling, but at least I'll know that I put my all into it.
Hopefully it works out...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Change of pace...
So after being sufficiently upset about my PhD failure (at least, I'd like to think I'm over it...), I started thinking about doing a MA program in Counseling. It's a different career path, that may or may not allow me to do all the things I want to do. It will definitely earn me less money than a PhD, but it will earn me more than a BA.
The hardest part of all of this, is I feel like I cannot do what I WANT. When we're kids, don't our parents tell us we can do anything we want, as long as we put our mind to it? Well, I've put my mind to this. I want to help people. I want to get an education that allows me to work with offenders and those with addictions to help them straighten out their lives and better society as a whole.
Some day, I may still be able to get my PhD, but for now, to me, it makes more sense to continue my education along another degree path. The other option is working crappy jobs for the next year that probably won't help me get into school in the future and won't pay me enough to pay for my school loans. I think going to school and getting licensed as a professional counselor will allow me to do what I want, or at least get me closer.
There's a school in St. Louis that I can go to starting in August, if I want. I need to try to figure out the finances, but right now, it's looking like my best option...
The hardest part of all of this, is I feel like I cannot do what I WANT. When we're kids, don't our parents tell us we can do anything we want, as long as we put our mind to it? Well, I've put my mind to this. I want to help people. I want to get an education that allows me to work with offenders and those with addictions to help them straighten out their lives and better society as a whole.
Some day, I may still be able to get my PhD, but for now, to me, it makes more sense to continue my education along another degree path. The other option is working crappy jobs for the next year that probably won't help me get into school in the future and won't pay me enough to pay for my school loans. I think going to school and getting licensed as a professional counselor will allow me to do what I want, or at least get me closer.
There's a school in St. Louis that I can go to starting in August, if I want. I need to try to figure out the finances, but right now, it's looking like my best option...
Friday, April 15, 2011
the decision has been made.
It is official. I will not be attending graduate school next year. Indiana Sate (the only school I was even wait-listed at) sent me and email that all of their open positions have been filled.
Over the past few weeks, I have really gotten my hopes up. Since I was in high school, I knew I wanted to be a Psychologist. To me, it doesn't make sense that it is so hard for me to get there. It's frustrating because I see my friends finding jobs already, and it makes me jealous. I worked extremely hard all through college for this. My sophomore year I took 18 credit hours each semester, worked 15 hours a week, and managed to get a 4.0 gpa. Starting my junior year, you can add doing research to that list. I barely had time to enjoy my college experience because I did everything that I could to build up my resume for graduate school. It's a huge slap in the face that none of the schools I applied to recognized that hard work, and I don't feel like anyone really understands how I feel. I can't just "find a job" because I have no desire to do anything I qualify for. I don't want to use my degree to basically be a social worker driving around STL to deal with dysfunctional families. I want to be able to do psychological assessments and psychotherapy. How does a girl that graduated with a 3.93 gpa not qualify for a higher degree so I can reach that goal?
Over the past few weeks, I have really gotten my hopes up. Since I was in high school, I knew I wanted to be a Psychologist. To me, it doesn't make sense that it is so hard for me to get there. It's frustrating because I see my friends finding jobs already, and it makes me jealous. I worked extremely hard all through college for this. My sophomore year I took 18 credit hours each semester, worked 15 hours a week, and managed to get a 4.0 gpa. Starting my junior year, you can add doing research to that list. I barely had time to enjoy my college experience because I did everything that I could to build up my resume for graduate school. It's a huge slap in the face that none of the schools I applied to recognized that hard work, and I don't feel like anyone really understands how I feel. I can't just "find a job" because I have no desire to do anything I qualify for. I don't want to use my degree to basically be a social worker driving around STL to deal with dysfunctional families. I want to be able to do psychological assessments and psychotherapy. How does a girl that graduated with a 3.93 gpa not qualify for a higher degree so I can reach that goal?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
reflecting...
I sold my Saturn this morning. It's an incredibly bitter-sweet feeling, which I am starting to think life is just going to continue to be full of as I get older.
On my 16th birthday, I was in my mom's car with her and my dad, and my dad told me he needed to stop by someone's house from work to drop something off. I remember being kind of irritated. It was "my day," and we had to go out of "my" way to do something, but I got over it. When we got to the house, my dad walked up and knocked, but while he was out of the car, my mom handed me my birthday card. I told her I would wait until dad got back to open it, but she told me to go ahead. When I opened the card, there was a picture of a car in it - the car we were parked right next to. It took me a second to figure it out, but when I did, I was the HAPPIEST 16 year old in the world.
I had NO idea I would be getting a car, and I know how lucky I was that they did everything they could to get it for me.
Of course, I have complained about the car over the past 6.5 years, and at one point I even "totaled" it, but it has been the most reliable little car. Plus, I have some pretty great memories in that car. Like my first kiss with Dan. Or getting stuck in Dan's drive way in the snow. Or getting stuck driving to school in the snow! Trying to make my flags fit for guard. Packing it full of friends to drive to school each morning, and packing it full of stuff to come off to college with.
That's why it's so hard to let go. To me, this seems so symbolic of growing up and moving on with life. I am learning to love my new(for me) jeep, but I'm not as comfortable with it, yet. Which is life. Changes have to happen, and we have to get use to them to prepare for more changes.
Who knew this would be so emotional for me?!
On my 16th birthday, I was in my mom's car with her and my dad, and my dad told me he needed to stop by someone's house from work to drop something off. I remember being kind of irritated. It was "my day," and we had to go out of "my" way to do something, but I got over it. When we got to the house, my dad walked up and knocked, but while he was out of the car, my mom handed me my birthday card. I told her I would wait until dad got back to open it, but she told me to go ahead. When I opened the card, there was a picture of a car in it - the car we were parked right next to. It took me a second to figure it out, but when I did, I was the HAPPIEST 16 year old in the world.
I had NO idea I would be getting a car, and I know how lucky I was that they did everything they could to get it for me.
Of course, I have complained about the car over the past 6.5 years, and at one point I even "totaled" it, but it has been the most reliable little car. Plus, I have some pretty great memories in that car. Like my first kiss with Dan. Or getting stuck in Dan's drive way in the snow. Or getting stuck driving to school in the snow! Trying to make my flags fit for guard. Packing it full of friends to drive to school each morning, and packing it full of stuff to come off to college with.
That's why it's so hard to let go. To me, this seems so symbolic of growing up and moving on with life. I am learning to love my new(for me) jeep, but I'm not as comfortable with it, yet. Which is life. Changes have to happen, and we have to get use to them to prepare for more changes.
Who knew this would be so emotional for me?!
Friday, March 4, 2011
growing up faster than I wanted to?
Alrighty. I interviewed at Indiana State last Friday, and unfortunately, while I was there, I loved it. I saw unfortunately because I had kind of decided after my rejection from UMSL that maybe this isn't the year for me. Dan just bought his house, and I have a job at Chestnut that I love. Maybe I am supposed to hang out in STL and play house? But when I got there, I thought it was a great program, and it re-ignited my desire to go to graduate school and follow my dreams.
Today I heard back. I am an alternate. Basically they had about 30 people go and interview, offered the spots to 8 students, and told 20 of us that we are alternates. They don't say if you're the top of the alternate list or #20, but the people that were offered spots have until April 15th to accept or decline the spots. Some may do it sooner, but there's a chance I won't know whether I even have the option of going until April 15th. The stubborn girl in me wants to say "if I'm not a first choice, it's your loss," but I am torn. Again, I may not have to make a decision, but if I do have to decide, I don't know what I'll do.
The rejection involved in this has been extremely difficult for me. I know I am not supposed to take it personally, but having a 3.9GPA and having always done well at everything I put my mind to, I can't help but take it personally. It has been very difficult.
Today I heard back. I am an alternate. Basically they had about 30 people go and interview, offered the spots to 8 students, and told 20 of us that we are alternates. They don't say if you're the top of the alternate list or #20, but the people that were offered spots have until April 15th to accept or decline the spots. Some may do it sooner, but there's a chance I won't know whether I even have the option of going until April 15th. The stubborn girl in me wants to say "if I'm not a first choice, it's your loss," but I am torn. Again, I may not have to make a decision, but if I do have to decide, I don't know what I'll do.
The rejection involved in this has been extremely difficult for me. I know I am not supposed to take it personally, but having a 3.9GPA and having always done well at everything I put my mind to, I can't help but take it personally. It has been very difficult.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)