last minute decision

I made the decision (at the last minute) to apply to SIUe's Clinical Psych program.  It's a MA degree with an emphasis in school psychology.  Right now, I am mostly concerned about all of my paperwork making to the right place by Feb 1 (the due date), but I am keeping my fingers crossed.


I really need a change, and I have wanted to go to graduate school, so this seems like an amazing opportunity.  Unfortunately, I would have to stop being full-time at Chestnut, but if that's what's necessary, that's what I have to do.  I am super hopeful.  If this doesn't work out, there is still the option to go to UMSL or Lindenwood for a Counseling program, but I do feel as though a clinical program will give me a better education, so as I said...fingers crossed!

what AM I doing?!

I started part-time at Chestnut in February.  For me, it was a job that would hold me over until grad school because I knew I would get valuable experience that a classroom just will not provide.  Well, when the grad school thing didn't plan out, I was blessed enough to get offered a full-time position.  It's so lucky that I have a job that relates to my degree seeing as a bachelor's in psychology doesn't always get you very far.  I received an e-mail from HR that I had reached my full-time 6 month anniversary mark.  Truthfully, I am happy I have gotten that far, and I feel like I am pretty good at my job.  BUT.  Lately I have really been wondering if this is what I want to do.  I spend entirely too much of my day babysitting children.  They have to ask permission for EVERYTHING, so it's constantly "yes, you can come get a glass of water" or "yes, you can sharpen your pencil."  It just gets frustrating because this isn't necessarily what I had envisioned.  Not to mention, just about 0% of the boys there actually want our help or to learn anything from us.  Any research you read will tell you that for therapy to be beneficial, the ct has to put in work, and for the ct to put in work, they have to want to do it.  It just makes the day difficult because they don't care what we're discussing in group, and they don't really care what we say to them in primary sessions.


Speaking of primary sessions...let me discuss the insanity that has been my caseload.  My first ct was discharged after 60 days because there was no way he was going to finish the program in 90 days.  He had huge anger blow ups every other day where he would punch walls or kick things, so he spent most of his time in the hole.  I called detention to come pick him up and watched him get handcuffed.  Second ct was actually the only ct I have had to successfully complete.  (Though he has already relapsed -- hence what we're doing isn't working!)  3rd ct was there while #2 was there.  He also had anger problems and got mad so he ran from the facility roughly 4 times in two days and then had a huge outburst and went crazy, so they called his case worker to get him immediately.  I heard a few days later that the kid had run away from home and was missing.  lovely.  My 4th ct also had some anger problems, to put it mildly.  On two separate occasions, he threatened other cts and staff.  He tried to get anyone to fight him.  It really was ridiculous.  5th ct came and ran the day he got there...police never found him.  Got number 6 last Thursday.  Tonight he went to NA with another counselor and got into a fight in the van and outside...choking another kid.  Seriously?!  What am I supposed to be doing with these kids?!?!?!?!  It's getting super frustrating.   I can see why burnout happens so quickly in this field.


Moral of the story.  I need more education.  I am contemplating getting a MA in school counseling.  At least the hours will be better!