reflecting on 2011

The end of the year always makes me reflect.  I guess it's good that we have the chance to do it each year...it's definitely necessary.  2011 was definitely not the worst year of my life, but it doesn't stand out as the best, either, which I guess is OK.


There were some pretty low points throughout the year -- My grandmother passed away.  I realized that my dream of becoming a Clinical Psychologist was not beginning this year.  I spent half of the year thousands of miles away from my little brother.  My Sammy kitty passed away. I found out that my grandfather has cancer again.


And though all of those things were challenging, I think I came out of the year stronger because of so many wonderful blessings.  My family is closer than ever before, and I have been reminded of how strong and great my brothers are.  I witnessed people I care about start their lives together.  I grew closer with friends I have had for a long time.  I started a job with the best co-workers a girl could ask for, and it allows me to gain an insane amount of experience working with an extremely challenging population.  Dan bought a house this year, and I have been lucky enough to help him decorate and make it a home.  Riley joined my life, and even though she is a dog, she has definitely reminded me how to love.  I know there have been more blessings, but of course trying to list them all becomes extremely difficult.


Lately, I have been most grateful for my family.  I was lucky enough to go with my parents to Florida to visit Josh for Thanksgiving.  It was by far one of the most random Thanksgivings that I have had; however, I was so happy to spend that weekend with Josh.  I am so proud of the man he has become.  For Christmas, Josh was able to come home for 10 days.  It was the first time in over 6 months my entire family was able to spend time together, and it was absolutely amazing.  I am so happy that we are all able to be in the same room together and laugh and love each other.


I am hopeful 2012 will be just as good to me as 2011.  I have plans to go back to school -- most likely to a counseling program.  It is lucky that I have a job, but I am not convinced it's the job that I want for the rest of my life, so I plan to do what I can to change my circumstances because doing the same thing will get me the same results. :)  For now, all I know is that I have an amazing family, a great boyfriend, wonderful friends, and awesome pets that remind me daily how lucky I am.

23?

This past Thursday, I turned 23.  22 was such a life-changing year, and I am grateful it is over.  There were some great things that happened -- I graduated college, Dan bought a house for us to live in, I got a pretty good starting job, and I got a puppy that I love.  Plus many other things, I am sure.  There were also the negative aspects.  Most importantly, not getting into graduate school.  I say this is negative because it went against my "plan," but what do I know?  Since I didn't start grad school, I was able to move into this house with Dan and get a job that I really do enjoy.  Maybe 22 just wasn't the year for me to go to grad school...


I am excited to see what 23 will bring.


This weekend I also had the privilege of seeing a great friend get married.  It was a beautiful ceremony, and the love was radiating off both the bride and groom.  I was so honored to be there.  It's hard to believe my group of friends is getting to the age where more and more people will start tying the knot, but I guess we really are growing up and beginning our lives as adults.  

grown up life = routine.

I haven't been updating this nearly as often as I thought I would.  I guess that's because life hasn't had a whole lot of changes lately.  I am still spending 40+ hours a week at Chestnut.  My very own insurance was activated at the beginning of the month...I guess that's a pretty grown up thing.  Besides work, there has been some fun things happening, though.


2 weeks ago I went to Texas to see Airman First Class Donovan graduate from Basic Military Training.  I am so lucky that I was able to experience this with him and our family.  Words can't describe how wonderful it was to see my baby brother after almost 3 months.  We got our first glimpse on Thursday morning during what's call the "Airmans' Run."  All the Airmen graduating that week ran by with their flight groups in formation.  It was so cool and touching to see.  Then we waited 3 hours for the Coin Ceremony, where Josh and the others officially became Airmen and were given their Airman Coin.  It was also awesome.  After the Coin Ceremony, we were able to go "tap them out," meaning, they stood in formation until we went and touched him.  Aidan and I stood in front of him, so he grabbed Aidan pretty quickly.  It was cute!  We got to spend the rest of the day with him on base, and he told us some incredibly funny BMT stories.  The kid is hilarious.  Friday morning was his graduation parade and ceremony, and then we hung out with him again.  We also got to see him Saturday and Sunday.  It was so hard to say goodbye again on Sunday, but it has been a lot better now that he has his phone back.  For the past 2 weeks, he has still been in Texas doing INDOC for tacp school.  He passed all of the physical tests/requirements and is flying to Florida this evening to start tacp school.  I am incredibly proud of him.  Who knew a little brother could be such an inspiration?!  But he is, and I am so grateful he is a part of my life!


Last weekend I went home to blono to celebrate my dad's 50th birthday.  Even though we had just been together in Texas, it was great to see him and the rest of my family again (we really missed Josh, obviously!)  While I was home, I was also able to see a lot of great friends.  Home always reminds me of how lucky I am. There is nothing like knowing you have the best friends in the world.  I am truly blessed.


Over the next 2 months, I will be home quite a bit.  My cousin is getting married in a few weeks, my aunt and uncle are coming to visit from Ohio, and one of my wonderful friends is tying the note in October.  I am so excited to see so many people that I love, and it's always great to have excuses to go back to Normal :)


As for work, I have my own "primary" client now, so that is pretty cool.  I get to meet with him every week and basically do counseling that we did a crash course of training in.  It's a great learning experience.  Also, my work schedule is going to be changing!  Starting in September, I will have Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays off.  (Currently I do not work Sun-Tues).  I am pretty excited...and it's great timing for the weddings I get to go to!


I'll end with some funny Aidan comments from Texas - 


 - (side note - this was the first time Aidan flew.  She was incredibly excited, but she passed out as soon as the plane was up in the air.)  When we landed in Texas, she looked out the window (which looked just like the STL airport) and goes "ugh.  I thought we were going to Texas!"  She was legitimately disappointed.  It was hilarious.


 - Aidan gave Josh a congratulations card that she had written random letters in.  Josh asked her what it said, and she replied (very sincerely), "I don't know.  I can't read!"  We all laughed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes.


 - At one point we jokingly asked Aid to bring the car closer, and she had a whole bunch of responses to avoid that, including, "but I can't reach the pedals!"  & "But I don't have my driver's license!"


 - On the way back to the airport to fly home, she was looking out the window of the shuttle and exclaims "ugh...I can't find it."  My dad asked what she was looking for.  "um. the Statue of Liberty!"  haha...wrong city, darling!


 - On the plane ride home, Aidan unfortunately did not get a window seat.  She was straining her head to look over the aisle and out the window on the other side of the plane.  The man sitting in that seat closed the blind, so Aidan looked at my dad and said, "but grandpa, I was looking out of that window!"


She is probably the funniest 4 year old in the world, and yes, I am willing to argue that fact!   I love that girl.

grown up life = boring.

I officially have a full-time job at Chestnut.  I have been full-time for about a month, and it's...going...  Don't get me wrong, I usually like it, but it can be extremely stressful.  These boys can make me laugh, but they also make me want to scream (which I cannot do).  They can be over dramatic, take everything way too personally, and just rude.  Unfortunately, when there is one doing that, it makes the whole day much longer.  I hope this is what I am really supposed to be doing.  There are a few that make it worth it, so I really hope that I am helping someone with my time there.


I think the stress of work is combined with life stress in general.  For the past few months I have had to reevaluate where I am and what I am doing.  For the past four years (at least) I assumed that I would be starting grad school right around this time, but instead I am working a (basically) dead-end job with very little pay.  It is also difficult because everyone else has graduated and left St. Louis.  I love living with Dan, but I wish I could live with Dan in Normal.  I want to be home, so I think I am stopping myself from really loving my job / life because of that.  I would just really like to be home with my friends and family.  I'm lonely in St. Louis.


Tomorrow I start my 6 days in a row of work (10 hr shifts + 4 extra hrs of training on Friday).  Yuck.  BUT! Hopefully it won't suck because I will be there knowing I am leaving in a week for Texas.  I haven't seen Joshy since May 29th, so I cannot wait to get to Texas and see him graduate as an Airman in the US Air Force.  It is going to be so amazing!  Hopefully I'll survive these next 6 days of stress and frustration so that I can truly enjoy my break.


In other news.  Miss Riley Roo is amazing.  She is over 25 lbs, and is so cuddly and lovey.  I just can't get enough of her.  She follows me around, lays at my feet, and enjoys cuddling on the couch with her momma.  She is very awesome, and I am so glad she is part of the family!  However, my kitties are still not fans.  Payton puts up with her, but Pika does not like being anywhere near here, so Pika will only cuddle with me at night while Roo is in her cage.  Poor kitty!  I really hope that with time, they will find peace!

funny Aidan comments

I am home for the 4th and miss Aidan has been cracking me up.

She was playing basketball and made a basket. She said "woo one in a row!"

A few minutes later she asked grandpa if she could sit on his motorcycle and said "dont worry. I won't drive it anywhere!"

Earlier she said she wanted to play barbies and said "i can't play with three alone, I don't have 3 hands"

She was trying to jump rope and couldn't do it the first few times and said "its because I need to be on the trampoline, I think"

Hilarious child.

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Trying to be an adult can be hard...

I recently got a new puppy.  Her name is Riley, and she is a 10 week old Chocolate Lab.  She is absolutely adorable, but she's a puppy!  Meaning she plays a lot, which is usually great - I already have her playing fetch, tug-a-war, and she's learning tricks!  But this "kid" has so much energy and she wakes me up way too early to go outside!  Also, she completely breaks my heart every time I leave the house and hear her crying in her cage.  I can't imagine what it would be like with real children.  She definitely proves that in the growing up thing, I am not grown up enough for real kids.

I may be one step closer to having a full-time job, though!  I have been working at Chestnut since February.  I started part-time working Sat and Sun, but with IL state budget cuts, I was switched to Fri and Sat midnights, and it SUCKS.  Still, I cover at least one other shift a week, so I still get to see the boys going through treatment, and I love those days.  Well, there are some full-time staff leaving, so I applied and interviewed for a full-time position last Friday.  I should hear something this week.  Please keep your fingers crossed!  I am ready to get off midnights and have 3 days off a week!  (Since the shifts are 10 hrs, I would only work 4 days a week.  Sweet, I know!)

All of this is keeping me busy and my mind off the fact that my baby brother is in TX for the next 7 weeks at basic training.  He's been gone a week, and I have already written him twice.  I can't wait to go see him graduate because after basic, he goes straight to tech school in FL until Dec 31st.  Meaning he'll miss Thanksgiving, his birthday (with his family...obviously he won't miss it), and Christmas.  I am already dreading it all, but I am so proud of him.  There are facebook pages for families that have people at Air Force trainings, and they have been so helpful.  I get teary-eyed looking at them.  It's hard to believe that my baby brother is one this growing up journey, too.  He is such a great "kid." 

Home (and the incredible wisdom of a 4 yr old!)

The last time I was home (in Blono - my real home) was over 2 months ago to see my little brother enlist in the Air National Guard.  My family has always been important to me, but since starting at SLU and moving to St. Louis full time at the beginning of my sophomore year, it has become an even bigger part of my life.  I realize I am only 3 hours away, but away is away.  Plus, with working weekends, I am not able to go see them whenever I would like to.  That's why trips home are so emotional for me.

While home, I was able to see some great friends and catch up on their lives.  I love that I still have friendships from high school that are such a central part of my life.  These are people that I know I can depend on through anything, and I am eternally grateful that I have them.  They help bring me back to reality and just enjoy myself and my life.  Plus, one of my good friends is getting married in October, so it is beyond exciting to hear about the plans and see how happy and in love she is.  It's going to be such a great wedding to experience!

I also saw Dan's sister graduate high school.  I've known Ali for 7 years now, so it's crazy to think that she is grown up enough to graduate.  Plus, she will be leaving for West Point within the next month, so that is emotional, too.  Dan is so proud of her, and so am I.  Next time we go home, it will be so different without the little siblings around.

Which brings me to the main reason this weekend was emotional.  Josh was supposed to leave for basic in October, but they called saying they had an earlier date, and asked if he wanted it.  Without even asking what the date was, he said yes.  He cannot wait to get out of Blono and start his life.  He will be leaving June 7, so we had his going away party this weekend.  Basically, for the next year, Josh will not be home except for potential short breaks between different trainings.  Over the next 8 weeks of basic, the only communication I can have with my baby brother is letter writing.  Then he will go to FL for 19 weeks for TAC-P training, and at some point he will also be going to WA for survival school (or something like that).  He has a lot of training ahead of him, and I am so proud of him, but I am definitely going to miss him.  We have gotten a lot closer as we've gotten older, so not being able to text him about my day is going to be such a hard change to adjust to. I already cannot wait to go see him graduate from basic...

Now for the wisdom of a 4 yr old -

My niece is my favorite person in the world.  She amazes me every time I see her with how smart, friendly, and absolutely caring she is.  Right before I was getting ready to leave, a bird pooped on my leg.  It was this tiny little thing near my ankle, but I semi freaked out, asking my dad frantically to bring me something to whip it off and saying how "gross" and "disgusting" it was.  Aidan asked what happened with genuine concern and came over to look at it, when she saw it, she said "well, it's a small little bit."  Talk about perspective.  She definitely brought me back down to earth.  She didn't say it in a normal bratty 4 year old voice (that she has also perfected - don't get me wrong!).  Instead, she was trying to console me.  She did not deny that a bird pooped on me, but she put it in perspective - it could have been a lot worse.  Just like the rest of life.

I need her influence in my life more often!

a new addition?

So in the past year, I've gone through quite a few changes.  One including moving in with my boyfriend.  Shockingly (kind of...), we did not kill each other, and when he bought a house, I was invited to stay with him, and for it to be "our" house.  Everyone knows it's the woman's responsibility to fill said house.


It is happening a little faster than expected, but I will be adding to our little family.  This weekend!  I bought an adorable chocolate lab puppy named Riley :)   (pets are all I can do - it is no where near time for little children!)


So Miss Riley will be joining the fam (of already a dog and 2 cats) this weekend.  I get to leave in the morning after work to go home and see everyone and pick up my baby!  I am sure Bella is going to be super stoked to play with a puppy...until she realizes said puppy is getting in the car and coming back to her house.  Hopefully they get along...   I know Pika is not going to be even remotely pleased, but Payton may enjoy someone new to play with.


I have had quite a few large dogs throughout my life, and my parents currently have a lab, so I am aware of the trials that we'll face, but I also know that I want a huge dog that thinks she's a lap dog.  Plus, labs have more love than practically any animal I have ever seen.  She's going to fit right in :)

there's no place like home.

I hate St. Louis.  Don't get me wrong...I love SLU, and I know I made the right choice in spending 3.5 years of my life there.  I got a great education and met a FEW people that I know I will be friends with for a long time.  I learned a lot about psychology and life in general, and I have a lot of memories that I am beyond grateful for.


But I HATE St. Louis.  I think I have always kind of felt this way, but now I am starting to feel stuck here.  I had imagined I would be leaving again for school, but now we're getting ready to move into this house, and St. Louis suddenly seems so permanent, and I REALLY don't want it to be.  It sounds bad, but it St. Louis is just so full of uneducated, unmotivated, and self-centered people that it makes doing anything completely annoying.  Driving, being at a grocery store, etc.  Anything public, to be quite honest.


Driving, especially.  I have always not enjoyed driving, but it sucks so much more here than home.  I expect to get tboned pulling into my apt complex.  That is NOT ok.  Why do I expect it?  Well, because there are countless people who think they are too good to sit at the red light, so they try to make 2 quick "right on red"s while I am legally turning left on a green arrow.  At least once I week, I have to slam on my brakes to avoid a collision.  Why do these people think they're too good to wait?  Because if I could talk to them, I would promise them that they are NOT too good to wait like the rest of the world.  Then, today, I was driving home and a person stopped in my lane.  Just stopped.  They then proceeded to get into the suicide lane to turn left, I assume.  As I go to continue in my lane, the come right back into it.  I had to slam on my brakes and swerve into the other lane.  How can people be so self-centered that they don't even think about other people on the road?  It's dangerous.  And an annoying character flaw.


That's how it is down here, though.  In an area where poverty is so common (which I know I should feel bad about...) people are uneducated, ignorant, self-centered, and they expect things to be handed to them.  I want to be somewhere where mostly everyone works hard for what they have and have an appreciation for life.  I don't want to be here.

back to square one?

I have basically been continuously changing my mind over the past few months - I wanted to go to grad school, then I was rejected by UMSL and I had no desire to go anywhere, then I visited Indiana and fell in love with the program, then I was rejected, which made me wonder if I even wanted to go to graduate school for psychology.  I began looking into counseling programs, and it seemed like a great idea - mostly because they wanted my transcript and that's it.  They didn't care what my GRE score was - they were impressed with my GPA (which I feel is a much better indicator of how I will do in graduate school), so I felt wanted.


However, I had a realization yesterday - getting a MA in counseling is the same as just giving up.  It is taking the easy way out and giving up on my dream, so I will be taking a year off.  I will spend this year looking into maybe taking the GRE again, looking at some Ph.D. (in both clinical and counseling psych), some Psy.D., and some MA programs in clinical psych and doing the whole application process again.


If it doesn't work out, then I can do a MA in counseling, but at least I'll know that I put my all into it.


Hopefully it works out...

Change of pace...

So after being sufficiently upset about my PhD failure (at least, I'd like to think I'm over it...), I started thinking about doing a MA program in Counseling.  It's a different career path, that may or may not allow me to do all the things I want to do.  It will definitely earn me less money than a PhD, but it will earn me more than a BA.

The hardest part of all of this, is I feel like I cannot do what I WANT.  When we're kids, don't our parents tell us we can do anything we want, as long as we put our mind to it?  Well, I've put my mind to this.  I want to help people.  I want to get an education that allows me to work with offenders and those with addictions to help them straighten out their lives and better society as a whole.

Some day, I may still be able to get my PhD, but for now, to me, it makes more sense to continue my education along another degree path.  The other option is working crappy jobs for the next year that probably won't help me get into school in the future and won't pay me enough to pay for my school loans.  I think going to school and getting licensed as a professional counselor will allow me to do what I want, or at least get me closer.

There's a school in St. Louis that I can go to starting in August, if I want.  I need to try to figure out the finances, but right now, it's looking like my best option...

the decision has been made.

It is official.  I will not be attending graduate school next year.  Indiana Sate (the only school I was even wait-listed at) sent me and email that all of their open positions have been filled.

Over the past few weeks, I have really gotten my hopes up.  Since I was in high school, I knew I wanted to be a Psychologist.  To me, it doesn't make sense that it is so hard for me to get there.  It's frustrating because I see my friends finding jobs already, and it makes me jealous.  I worked extremely hard all through college for this.  My sophomore year I took 18 credit hours each semester, worked 15 hours a week, and managed to get a 4.0 gpa.  Starting my junior year, you can add doing research to that list.  I barely had time to enjoy my college experience because I did everything that I could to build up my resume for graduate school.  It's a huge slap in the face that none of the schools I applied to recognized that hard work, and I don't feel like anyone really understands how I feel.  I can't just "find a job" because I have no desire to do anything I qualify for.  I don't want to use my degree to basically be a social worker driving around STL to deal with dysfunctional families.  I want to be able to do psychological assessments and psychotherapy.  How does a girl that graduated with a 3.93 gpa not qualify for a higher degree so I can reach that goal?

reflecting...

I sold my Saturn this morning.  It's an incredibly bitter-sweet feeling, which I am starting to think life is just going to continue to be full of as I get older.

On my 16th birthday, I was in my mom's car with her and my dad, and my dad told me he needed to stop by someone's house from work to drop something off.  I remember being kind of irritated.  It was "my day," and we had to go out of "my" way to do something, but I got over it.  When we got to the house, my dad walked up and knocked, but while he was out of the car, my mom handed me my birthday card.  I told her I would wait until dad got back to open it, but she told me to go ahead.  When I opened the card, there was a picture of a car in it - the car we were parked right next to.  It took me a second to figure it out, but when I did, I was the HAPPIEST 16 year old in the world.

I had NO idea I would be getting a car, and I know how lucky I was that they did everything they could to get it for me.

Of course, I have complained about the car over the past 6.5 years, and at one point I even "totaled" it, but it has been the most reliable little car.  Plus, I have some pretty great memories in that car.  Like my first kiss with Dan.  Or getting stuck in Dan's drive way in the snow.  Or getting stuck driving to school in the snow!  Trying to make my flags fit for guard.  Packing it full of friends to drive to school each morning, and packing it full of stuff to come off to college with.

That's why it's so hard to let go.  To me, this seems so symbolic of growing up and moving on with life.  I am learning to love my new(for me) jeep, but I'm not as comfortable with it, yet.  Which is life.  Changes have to happen, and we have to get use to them to prepare for more changes.


Who knew this would be so emotional for me?!

growing up faster than I wanted to?

Alrighty.  I interviewed at Indiana State last Friday, and unfortunately, while I was there, I loved it.  I saw unfortunately because I had kind of decided after my rejection from UMSL that maybe this isn't the year for me. Dan just bought his house, and I have a job at Chestnut that I love.  Maybe I am supposed to hang out in STL and play house?  But when I got there, I thought it was a great program, and it re-ignited my desire to go to graduate school and follow my dreams.

Today I heard back.  I am an alternate.  Basically they had about 30 people go and interview, offered the spots to 8 students, and told 20 of us that we are alternates.  They don't say if you're the top of the alternate list or #20, but the people that were offered spots have until April 15th to accept or decline the spots.  Some may do it sooner, but there's a chance I won't know whether I even have the option of going until April 15th.  The stubborn girl in me wants to say "if I'm not a first choice, it's your loss," but I am torn.  Again, I may not have to make a decision, but if I do have to decide, I don't know what I'll do.

The rejection involved in this has been extremely difficult for me.  I know I am not supposed to take it personally, but having a 3.9GPA and having always done well at everything I put my mind to, I can't help but take it personally.  It has been very difficult.

One of those I've loved along the way...

This past week has been a tough week for me.  I got a call last Monday (Valentine's Day) from my dad telling me that my grandmother had passed away.  She had been sick for over a year with COPD, and I know she was in pain.  We tried to prepare for when she would leave us, but it's impossible to really be ready for that.  We went to Ohio to be with family and for the funeral.  Even with all the pain, the visit was a good one.  I love my family, so it was great to see them all.  We were able to create happy memories even out of the pain.  My grandma was the most amazing woman (and I know everyone says that, but she really was).  She was incredibly giving and compassionate, and she wanted the best for everyone she loved and for strangers.  I hope that one day I can be half the woman that she was.  I am so glad to have known her and to have her influence in my life.  Her death is a great loss, but I know she's happy to be reunited with her son, and they are both watching over us all.


I have also had a hard week of rejections from schools.  It's getting easier with each one.  I have 1 interview on Friday for a PsyD program at Indiana State, but I have been rejected from 8 schools now, I believe.  One of those being UMSL (my only option of staying in St. Louis AND go to grad school).  So now, I am naturally re-evaluating whether I want to go to grad school.  It used to make perfect sense to leave STL to go wherever I get in, and it's probably all the rejections that I've gotten, but suddenly I am questioning whether I want to leave, even if I get into school.  I like STL.  I like being close to my family.  I enjoy being here with Dan, and I want to move into his new house with him.  I thought I wanted to get my degree right away, but now I am enjoying not being in school.


It will be a tough choice, but maybe I won't have to make the choice.  It's possible (very possible) that I will not get into any graduate schools, so then the decision will be made.  If I do have to decide, I have no idea what I'll do.  Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I feel like giving up...

so the count is now 4 rejections, still just the 1 interview, and waiting to hear from 10 schools.

I need to stop asking people about their interviews, etc because it's making me feel like absolute crap.

I just don't have any confidence right now in my ability to get into grad school.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.  Not knowing really sucks.

I haven't left my apartment in 3 days.  Winter is not my most favorite time of the year.  The weather people were telling us we were going to get an inch of ice and 10-20 in of snow.  Turns out we only got .5in of ice and maybe 4 in of snow.  I'm really glad I'm not at home right now - pictures inform me that the blizzard wasn't nice enough to skip them over, too.  Still, the ice and snow here is enough to make me not want to go anywhere.  Not that I have anywhere to go...

The VA told me not to come in yesterday to volunteer because my supervisors were staying home.  Also, I was supposed to start volunteering at the Juvenile Detention Center last night, but they canceled that, as well.  I'm excited to start there next week.  Every Tuesday I will be playing games, etc with the boys at St. Louis City JDC.  I'm sure it will be a new challenge, but since that's the population I want to work with for the rest of my life, it's good to get the experience now to be sure that it is what I want to do.

But other than those two things, nothing else is finalized in my life.  I got a background check so that I could go back to work at the PSC 2 weeks ago.  It was supposed to take a week, yet I have still heard nothing.  It's starting to get frustrating that I have to go through all of these hoops for a job that was already mine while losing a lot of money in the process.  Money I need.

I also sent my application that Chestnut needed back to them a week ago.  He needed a new application (because HR misplaced mine) before he could officially offer me a job.  I feel like it should definitely be there by now.  I know I'm not being very patient, but I am so broke and so excited to start there.  I hope I hear something soon.

Grad school update - I have officially gotten 2 rejection emails (yep, emails...).  I did, however, get a call last Friday inviting me to come to Indiana State to interview, so that's some good news that I am trying to hold onto.  I hope I hear more good news soon!

The anxiety is here....

I have been out of school for over a month now.  A few of those weeks were spent at home totally loving it, but now that I'm back in St Louis, it has actually been kind of hard.  It's not that I want to go back to school, but I can only do so many dishes before I want to be back at work!  I have had some good news on that front.  My background check for SLU is currently being processed so that I can get my job back at the Psych Services Center, and I just heard yesterday that I got a part-time job at Chestnut Health Systems.  I am so excited about this!  I will be there every Sat and Sun from 7:30am-3:30pm, and it's about a 40 min drive, so there will be some early mornings, but I'll be at a residential treatment facility for teenage boys with chemical dependencies.  It will be a really good experience that will help me to verify that I do want to research addiction treatments while in grad school.

That is...if I get into grad school.  I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but my friend had his first interview the other day at a school that I also applied to.  I have yet to get my rejection letter from said school, so it just makes me uneasy to think how many other schools are doing their interviews without even bothering to let me know they aren't interested in me.  I knew that during this process I would get rejected, but it's just hard that my future is in so many other people's hands, and at this point, I really have no control over it.  It's a really scary feeling having no idea where I will be in 8 months.  I don't like it.

I hope I start hearing soon.  It's causing a lot of anxiety.