Home (and the incredible wisdom of a 4 yr old!)

The last time I was home (in Blono - my real home) was over 2 months ago to see my little brother enlist in the Air National Guard.  My family has always been important to me, but since starting at SLU and moving to St. Louis full time at the beginning of my sophomore year, it has become an even bigger part of my life.  I realize I am only 3 hours away, but away is away.  Plus, with working weekends, I am not able to go see them whenever I would like to.  That's why trips home are so emotional for me.

While home, I was able to see some great friends and catch up on their lives.  I love that I still have friendships from high school that are such a central part of my life.  These are people that I know I can depend on through anything, and I am eternally grateful that I have them.  They help bring me back to reality and just enjoy myself and my life.  Plus, one of my good friends is getting married in October, so it is beyond exciting to hear about the plans and see how happy and in love she is.  It's going to be such a great wedding to experience!

I also saw Dan's sister graduate high school.  I've known Ali for 7 years now, so it's crazy to think that she is grown up enough to graduate.  Plus, she will be leaving for West Point within the next month, so that is emotional, too.  Dan is so proud of her, and so am I.  Next time we go home, it will be so different without the little siblings around.

Which brings me to the main reason this weekend was emotional.  Josh was supposed to leave for basic in October, but they called saying they had an earlier date, and asked if he wanted it.  Without even asking what the date was, he said yes.  He cannot wait to get out of Blono and start his life.  He will be leaving June 7, so we had his going away party this weekend.  Basically, for the next year, Josh will not be home except for potential short breaks between different trainings.  Over the next 8 weeks of basic, the only communication I can have with my baby brother is letter writing.  Then he will go to FL for 19 weeks for TAC-P training, and at some point he will also be going to WA for survival school (or something like that).  He has a lot of training ahead of him, and I am so proud of him, but I am definitely going to miss him.  We have gotten a lot closer as we've gotten older, so not being able to text him about my day is going to be such a hard change to adjust to. I already cannot wait to go see him graduate from basic...

Now for the wisdom of a 4 yr old -

My niece is my favorite person in the world.  She amazes me every time I see her with how smart, friendly, and absolutely caring she is.  Right before I was getting ready to leave, a bird pooped on my leg.  It was this tiny little thing near my ankle, but I semi freaked out, asking my dad frantically to bring me something to whip it off and saying how "gross" and "disgusting" it was.  Aidan asked what happened with genuine concern and came over to look at it, when she saw it, she said "well, it's a small little bit."  Talk about perspective.  She definitely brought me back down to earth.  She didn't say it in a normal bratty 4 year old voice (that she has also perfected - don't get me wrong!).  Instead, she was trying to console me.  She did not deny that a bird pooped on me, but she put it in perspective - it could have been a lot worse.  Just like the rest of life.

I need her influence in my life more often!

a new addition?

So in the past year, I've gone through quite a few changes.  One including moving in with my boyfriend.  Shockingly (kind of...), we did not kill each other, and when he bought a house, I was invited to stay with him, and for it to be "our" house.  Everyone knows it's the woman's responsibility to fill said house.


It is happening a little faster than expected, but I will be adding to our little family.  This weekend!  I bought an adorable chocolate lab puppy named Riley :)   (pets are all I can do - it is no where near time for little children!)


So Miss Riley will be joining the fam (of already a dog and 2 cats) this weekend.  I get to leave in the morning after work to go home and see everyone and pick up my baby!  I am sure Bella is going to be super stoked to play with a puppy...until she realizes said puppy is getting in the car and coming back to her house.  Hopefully they get along...   I know Pika is not going to be even remotely pleased, but Payton may enjoy someone new to play with.


I have had quite a few large dogs throughout my life, and my parents currently have a lab, so I am aware of the trials that we'll face, but I also know that I want a huge dog that thinks she's a lap dog.  Plus, labs have more love than practically any animal I have ever seen.  She's going to fit right in :)

there's no place like home.

I hate St. Louis.  Don't get me wrong...I love SLU, and I know I made the right choice in spending 3.5 years of my life there.  I got a great education and met a FEW people that I know I will be friends with for a long time.  I learned a lot about psychology and life in general, and I have a lot of memories that I am beyond grateful for.


But I HATE St. Louis.  I think I have always kind of felt this way, but now I am starting to feel stuck here.  I had imagined I would be leaving again for school, but now we're getting ready to move into this house, and St. Louis suddenly seems so permanent, and I REALLY don't want it to be.  It sounds bad, but it St. Louis is just so full of uneducated, unmotivated, and self-centered people that it makes doing anything completely annoying.  Driving, being at a grocery store, etc.  Anything public, to be quite honest.


Driving, especially.  I have always not enjoyed driving, but it sucks so much more here than home.  I expect to get tboned pulling into my apt complex.  That is NOT ok.  Why do I expect it?  Well, because there are countless people who think they are too good to sit at the red light, so they try to make 2 quick "right on red"s while I am legally turning left on a green arrow.  At least once I week, I have to slam on my brakes to avoid a collision.  Why do these people think they're too good to wait?  Because if I could talk to them, I would promise them that they are NOT too good to wait like the rest of the world.  Then, today, I was driving home and a person stopped in my lane.  Just stopped.  They then proceeded to get into the suicide lane to turn left, I assume.  As I go to continue in my lane, the come right back into it.  I had to slam on my brakes and swerve into the other lane.  How can people be so self-centered that they don't even think about other people on the road?  It's dangerous.  And an annoying character flaw.


That's how it is down here, though.  In an area where poverty is so common (which I know I should feel bad about...) people are uneducated, ignorant, self-centered, and they expect things to be handed to them.  I want to be somewhere where mostly everyone works hard for what they have and have an appreciation for life.  I don't want to be here.

back to square one?

I have basically been continuously changing my mind over the past few months - I wanted to go to grad school, then I was rejected by UMSL and I had no desire to go anywhere, then I visited Indiana and fell in love with the program, then I was rejected, which made me wonder if I even wanted to go to graduate school for psychology.  I began looking into counseling programs, and it seemed like a great idea - mostly because they wanted my transcript and that's it.  They didn't care what my GRE score was - they were impressed with my GPA (which I feel is a much better indicator of how I will do in graduate school), so I felt wanted.


However, I had a realization yesterday - getting a MA in counseling is the same as just giving up.  It is taking the easy way out and giving up on my dream, so I will be taking a year off.  I will spend this year looking into maybe taking the GRE again, looking at some Ph.D. (in both clinical and counseling psych), some Psy.D., and some MA programs in clinical psych and doing the whole application process again.


If it doesn't work out, then I can do a MA in counseling, but at least I'll know that I put my all into it.


Hopefully it works out...