So after being sufficiently upset about my PhD failure (at least, I'd like to think I'm over it...), I started thinking about doing a MA program in Counseling. It's a different career path, that may or may not allow me to do all the things I want to do. It will definitely earn me less money than a PhD, but it will earn me more than a BA.
The hardest part of all of this, is I feel like I cannot do what I WANT. When we're kids, don't our parents tell us we can do anything we want, as long as we put our mind to it? Well, I've put my mind to this. I want to help people. I want to get an education that allows me to work with offenders and those with addictions to help them straighten out their lives and better society as a whole.
Some day, I may still be able to get my PhD, but for now, to me, it makes more sense to continue my education along another degree path. The other option is working crappy jobs for the next year that probably won't help me get into school in the future and won't pay me enough to pay for my school loans. I think going to school and getting licensed as a professional counselor will allow me to do what I want, or at least get me closer.
There's a school in St. Louis that I can go to starting in August, if I want. I need to try to figure out the finances, but right now, it's looking like my best option...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
the decision has been made.
It is official. I will not be attending graduate school next year. Indiana Sate (the only school I was even wait-listed at) sent me and email that all of their open positions have been filled.
Over the past few weeks, I have really gotten my hopes up. Since I was in high school, I knew I wanted to be a Psychologist. To me, it doesn't make sense that it is so hard for me to get there. It's frustrating because I see my friends finding jobs already, and it makes me jealous. I worked extremely hard all through college for this. My sophomore year I took 18 credit hours each semester, worked 15 hours a week, and managed to get a 4.0 gpa. Starting my junior year, you can add doing research to that list. I barely had time to enjoy my college experience because I did everything that I could to build up my resume for graduate school. It's a huge slap in the face that none of the schools I applied to recognized that hard work, and I don't feel like anyone really understands how I feel. I can't just "find a job" because I have no desire to do anything I qualify for. I don't want to use my degree to basically be a social worker driving around STL to deal with dysfunctional families. I want to be able to do psychological assessments and psychotherapy. How does a girl that graduated with a 3.93 gpa not qualify for a higher degree so I can reach that goal?
Over the past few weeks, I have really gotten my hopes up. Since I was in high school, I knew I wanted to be a Psychologist. To me, it doesn't make sense that it is so hard for me to get there. It's frustrating because I see my friends finding jobs already, and it makes me jealous. I worked extremely hard all through college for this. My sophomore year I took 18 credit hours each semester, worked 15 hours a week, and managed to get a 4.0 gpa. Starting my junior year, you can add doing research to that list. I barely had time to enjoy my college experience because I did everything that I could to build up my resume for graduate school. It's a huge slap in the face that none of the schools I applied to recognized that hard work, and I don't feel like anyone really understands how I feel. I can't just "find a job" because I have no desire to do anything I qualify for. I don't want to use my degree to basically be a social worker driving around STL to deal with dysfunctional families. I want to be able to do psychological assessments and psychotherapy. How does a girl that graduated with a 3.93 gpa not qualify for a higher degree so I can reach that goal?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
reflecting...
I sold my Saturn this morning. It's an incredibly bitter-sweet feeling, which I am starting to think life is just going to continue to be full of as I get older.
On my 16th birthday, I was in my mom's car with her and my dad, and my dad told me he needed to stop by someone's house from work to drop something off. I remember being kind of irritated. It was "my day," and we had to go out of "my" way to do something, but I got over it. When we got to the house, my dad walked up and knocked, but while he was out of the car, my mom handed me my birthday card. I told her I would wait until dad got back to open it, but she told me to go ahead. When I opened the card, there was a picture of a car in it - the car we were parked right next to. It took me a second to figure it out, but when I did, I was the HAPPIEST 16 year old in the world.
I had NO idea I would be getting a car, and I know how lucky I was that they did everything they could to get it for me.
Of course, I have complained about the car over the past 6.5 years, and at one point I even "totaled" it, but it has been the most reliable little car. Plus, I have some pretty great memories in that car. Like my first kiss with Dan. Or getting stuck in Dan's drive way in the snow. Or getting stuck driving to school in the snow! Trying to make my flags fit for guard. Packing it full of friends to drive to school each morning, and packing it full of stuff to come off to college with.
That's why it's so hard to let go. To me, this seems so symbolic of growing up and moving on with life. I am learning to love my new(for me) jeep, but I'm not as comfortable with it, yet. Which is life. Changes have to happen, and we have to get use to them to prepare for more changes.
Who knew this would be so emotional for me?!
On my 16th birthday, I was in my mom's car with her and my dad, and my dad told me he needed to stop by someone's house from work to drop something off. I remember being kind of irritated. It was "my day," and we had to go out of "my" way to do something, but I got over it. When we got to the house, my dad walked up and knocked, but while he was out of the car, my mom handed me my birthday card. I told her I would wait until dad got back to open it, but she told me to go ahead. When I opened the card, there was a picture of a car in it - the car we were parked right next to. It took me a second to figure it out, but when I did, I was the HAPPIEST 16 year old in the world.
I had NO idea I would be getting a car, and I know how lucky I was that they did everything they could to get it for me.
Of course, I have complained about the car over the past 6.5 years, and at one point I even "totaled" it, but it has been the most reliable little car. Plus, I have some pretty great memories in that car. Like my first kiss with Dan. Or getting stuck in Dan's drive way in the snow. Or getting stuck driving to school in the snow! Trying to make my flags fit for guard. Packing it full of friends to drive to school each morning, and packing it full of stuff to come off to college with.
That's why it's so hard to let go. To me, this seems so symbolic of growing up and moving on with life. I am learning to love my new(for me) jeep, but I'm not as comfortable with it, yet. Which is life. Changes have to happen, and we have to get use to them to prepare for more changes.
Who knew this would be so emotional for me?!
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