Why now?

Heading to my last day of classes at SLU today, I heard Lady A's song, "I Was Here," and that is my inspiration for today

I wanna do something that matters
Say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better
With the time I've been given
And I wanna try
To touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less
Than something that says "I was here"

I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
Cause this dream's too strong

Today I also re-realized that I am graduating from SLU on Friday.  Yes, this is extremely exciting, but it's terrifying as well.  I have told a few people it's bitter-sweet, and that's the only way I can really describe it.  I want to be done with college, and I am proud of myself for finishing in 3.5 years, but SLU has become my safety net with people I don't want to live without, so leaving is going to be a huge challenge.  It's funny how much has changed since I graduated high school and started SLU.  I hated it here.  I wanted to be home with my friends and family, but I stuck it out anyway.  Giving up and leaving was never really an option.  Because I did that, I received an education that truly challenged me, and I met people that helped me become who I am today.  I am eternally grateful for my time at SLU.

This transition is made harder by not knowing where I will be in 9 months.  I have applied to Clinical PhD programs, mostly in the Midwest, but there are a few outliers.  I won't even hear back about interviews until the end of January or early February, and then I will have to wait until the end of March or April to know IF I get in anywhere.  Talk about stressful.  I am a planner, and I cannot plan this.  I could be living in one of 7 states starting in August.  Pretty unbelievable, right?  I am so far out of my comfort zone, it isn't even funny.  My dreams are worth that, though.  I know that I will be a good psychologist, so it is worth the headache and uncertainty to apply.  I just hope the schools I applied to agree with me.

To answer the "why now?" question - I think I want to start blogging now because I am getting ready to experience some major changes.  Feel free to read along as I go through it all!