the things we will never understand.

I was planning on doing a honeymoon recap...and I will eventually (I hate forgetting details of once-in-a-lifetime experiences, so I try to write out what I can remember to look back on some day).  But today, something else is on my mind.

This isn't really my story to share, but I don't think she will mind.

I have a beautiful, strong friend that is always inspiring.  She is a great mother, a loving wife, an incredibly hard worker, and has an amazing faith.  For the past 10 years, I have had the pleasure of knowing and loving her, and as the years go on, I feel as though we get closer and closer.  Graduating college, starting real jobs, getting married, and her having a beautiful little girl have been experiences that we have been able to talk about and go through together.  I am so lucky that I have her in my life.

Before my wedding, we discussed her and her husband's plans of "not trying to not get pregnant" and seeing what happens.  I was so excited for her.  She is so wonderful with her one-year-old!  (1 year, this Thursday!  So crazy!)  I knew that another baby would only be a blessing in their home, and it was hard to keep my mouth shut about their plans ;)  Right before the wedding, she told me she thought she may be pregnant.  I was stoked!  She waited until after the wedding to let me know it was confirmed (that is her for you, always making sure she doesn't "interfere" with whatever is going on in your life).  It is almost all I could talk to her about!  We discussed what it would be like if she had a handsome little man!  She was a bit nervous...she grew up with 3 sisters...but she knew she would figure it out.  We talked nursery ideas.  We talked about her daughter being an amazing big sister, and all the changes that would take place for that cute gal.  There was so much to talk about!  So much excitement!  Another blessing to hold and love and spoil.

When she passed the first trimester, she told more friends, and she was planning this adorable announcement and amazing pictures for her daughter's first birthday.  We were counting down to finding out the sex!  January was a long way away, but for me, at least, it would go quickly, and we would have a new baby to love!

As I am writing this, I realize I sound crazy...ha.  Obviously this was not my baby.  My friend and her husband obviously did all of these things, too.  Plus some.  But that's one of the great things about my friend.  She loves sharing experiences with others.  I have never felt as though I couldn't just grab her daughter, if I wanted.  I think she realizes how much I adore children, babies in particular.  She is so sweet to ease my baby fever by allowing me to share in what I can.

When we returned from our honeymoon, I let her know we were back, she asked how it was.  Then I saw a status she posted on facebook about needing prayers and feeling heartbroken.  My heart sank.  I had a horrible feeling that something had happened to the baby.  We had to get back on a plane, so I convinced myself it was something else.  I mean, she was 15 weeks pregnant.  I am sure it was something else.  Had to be.  This family deserves this baby.

Well, unfortunately, my initial reaction was right.  My beautiful friend had an incredibly painful (physically and mentally) spontaneous miscarriage.  My heart breaks for her and her husband.

This is where I want to state - again - that I know this isn't my story.  But when you care about a family as much as I care about them, I think (hope) it is natural to feel pain when they feel pain.

But here is the thing - I am/was? PISSED.  At God, of course.  This family is INCREDIBLY faithful.  I mean seriously, it is inspiring.  Explain to me WHY God would take this blessing away after only 15 weeks?!  They have done nothing wrong.  They don't deserve to be punished.  I vowed to not say "there is a reason for everything" or "trust God's plan" when I saw her.  How can you tell someone that?  She must be more pissed at him than I am.

She wasn't.  At least, if she was, she is able to pray through it and at least ask for peace in His plan.  She said those things to me.  That she believed God wanted, what her and her husband believe was their son, to be in Heaven to watch over their family.  I was shocked.  In a good way.  Even at what I imagine is the most difficult time in her life, she is choosing to trust Him.  It is truly inspiring.

So even though I have some current frustrations with God (because I can't help but feel this way when a tragedy happens), I will continue to pray for their family.  That they can find peace.  That blessings come their way.  They deserve it.