school...wedding...school...wedding...

Year one is a wrap!  (Almost.)  After I finish my prac hours tomorrow, I will officially be DONE-ZO with second semester!  It seems like school just began, so it is hard to believe I am here already.  We have a summer class this year and two classes in the fall (along with prac and thesis hours), and I will have my MA in Clinical Child Psych.  Woot!  Beginning next spring, we will begin our specialist degree program, which will include 3 more classes in the spring (with thesis and prac hours) and a summer class before beginning our internship year for the 3rd year.  If this year is any indication, it is going to fly by!  It has definitely been challenging, and it will continue to be A LOT of work, but it is exciting to know that I am getting a ton of wonderful experience and that I will be prepared to be an amazing school psych, when the time comes!

On the wedding front - Dan and I are wishing we eloped.  He is pretty convinced that any couples that can actually make it through wedding planning should have no trouble staying married!  There has just been way too much unnecessary stress, which is really frustrating.  Planning the rehearsal dinner was more difficult than planning the reception due to disagreements about the guest list and just not being heard when we expressed our opinion on food, etc.  Thankfully it is worked out, and we will be able to catch up with all the people that we really want to spend extra time with at the rehearsal.

RSVPs are the next stressor.  1 - how hard is it to FREAKING MAIL an RSVP that WE STAMPED for you?!  I don't even want to add up how much money we legitimately WASTED on that.  Plus, we had invites go MIA, so it has just been a mess!  And then you have the people who RSVP that they are coming, along with people NOT ON THE INVITATION.  Are. You. Kidding. Me. ????  It is unbelievable how RUDE people can be.  Here's the thing.  Dan and I want to get married.  We want to celebrate with those we love, but to say that your kid's significant other is coming is so absolutely ridiculous.  I can't wrap my head around it.  I will never be that person.  Making that promise now.  I will NEVER force my children to invite people to a wedding, and I will NEVER RSVP to a wedding with more people than included on the invite.  For multiple reasons...1 - space!  There are limitations to how many people can fit in a room, people! and 2 - those getting married should not be required to pay  A LOT of money for people they don't even KNOW to eat and drink.  It is just rude, people.  RUDE.

I hate that I have so much to complain about in regards to the wedding.  It should be only happy, but I guess sometimes people just like to make things difficult, and we just have to roll with it.

In other news - my bachelorette party is SATURDAY!  I am very excited about this!  My bridesmaids have been so great to me.  They put up with my venting sessions, and they still love me!  There will definitely be pictures :)

The following weekend, I have my second fitting for my dress.  I am super nervous about this because a different seamstress took my measurements than is doing the work -- eek.  Also, I have lost probably about 10 lbs since the first fitting.  Fingers crossed that it fits, y'all!

We are also beginning to finalize everything!  We are working on music with the DJ, paying off some stuff (ouch), getting transportation figured out.  It isn't the most fun stuff, but I guess it all needs done ;).  Next step is figuring out a seating plan and getting our program put together.  I also need to start writing names on all of the escort cards.  blah blah blah.

Hopefully I don't go crazy after the bachelorette party.  It is the last really fun wedding thing before the wedding, so hopefully it is close enough that I will still be excited about getting married!  haha!

Also.  Keep your fingers crossed that I can keep my mouth closed so that I don't ruin any relationships...

40 days!!!!!!

People!  There are 40 freaking days until I become Mrs. Cleinmark.  40. Days.

It is weird to think about getting engaged over a year ago.  Our wedding seemed so far away, but I guess keeping busy with school just made the time FLY by!  I am trying not to freak out too much, but there is still a ton to do before the big day.  My "to-do" list is longer than a page!  We need to get our wedding license, get Dan fitted for his tux, pick out reception music, figure out seating plans, make programs, etc, etc, etc!

The To-Do List on my computer!

But!  The exciting thing is, my bachelorette party is in 19 days!  I can't wait to celebrate with my best friends!  Drinking Wine!  Eating Good Food!  Dueling Pianos!  A lot of laughing!  I am STOKED!

What else?  My weight loss is rolling right along.  I have hit my original goal of losing 15 lbs, and I am not ready to stop!  Losing a few more pounds and toning my arms and back more before the wedding is the current plan.  Then, I will continue on the toning up journey until our honeymoon sometime in July/August.  I am slightly concerned that my dress will need a second fitting, now, but we'll just have to see!  Ready to rock my "wedding arms" in the pictures / during the dances!

Feb 3, Mar 16, and April 11

40. Freaking. Days. 40. Days. 40.  ahhhh!

Bridezilla?!

So here is the thing.  I don't want to be a bridezilla.  In fact, I feel like I have been pretty "cool" throughout the whole wedding planning process.

I picked my dress in a day.

We picked bridesmaid dresses in less than an hour.

I had a bridesmaid diagnosed with cancer.  Seriously.  And I grieved for my friend, not my wedding.  (btw.  she is now cancer free, and I am so happy for her!)

I had a bridesmaid have to "step down" or whatever you would call that.  Situation was handled, and it is working out perfectly.

We picked a location quickly.

I let my mom and MoH choose our food because we couldn't go to the tasting.

My mom is basically handling the flowers with her friend.  (and I went with fake flowers b/c it saved us A LOT of money)

I got my invites all sent out by myself.

The point is...I have been really easy going.  All I want is to marry Dan.  The other details really mean nothing to me.  Don't get me wrong, I am excited to look gorgeous in my perfect dress. I am so happy we are getting married in a beautiful church and are having a reception with delish cheesecake and a beautiful cake.

BUT!  Don't push me, people.  Seriously.  I am really not appreciating the "you have to invite these people" and "well, I'll just go behind your back and invite this person, anyway."  GUESS WHAT?!  Dan and I are getting married.  Dan and I are paying for 90% of the wedding by OURSELVES.  With MY parents paying for the remainder.  Not everyone that we have ever known can come, let alone people we DON'T know.  Sorry.  but not really...because in my opinion, a wedding is a celebration of our love, and it is for people that truly care about our relationship.  Not to mention, there is this thing called a fire code.  Only so many people are allowed at the wedding, so suck it up, buttercup.

I have enjoyed wedding planning, please don't make me begin to resent it, or anyone else, for that matter.  This is the only time I will ever do this, and I want to only have good memories.

Shower recap!

I cannot believe I forgot to tell you "all" about my bridal shower!  Let me just come out and say, I was NERVOUS.  I never realized that showers were so "secretive," and I was NOT a fan.  The bride, in my opinion, has every right to share her opinion on food, location, games, etc.  With some work, I was able to (mostly) get my voice heard, and it turned out wonderfully!  Thanks to my bridesmaids and mother, the food was good, we had it where I wanted it, and it had the most adorable decorations!  

Also, in general, I feel like showers are awkward.  Tons of women in a room, playing "games" that no one wants to play.  Who came up with this?!  BUT!  Mine was better, I think.  Don't get me wrong, there were women I literally didn't know...like when they walked in, there was NO WAY I could tell you their names...but I guess maybe that happens when you marry into some families.  Overall, though, the room was filled with my favorite women, and I felt SO much love.   There were lots of hugs and laughter, and it seemed like for the most part, everyone enjoyed the games.  I also got some amazing gifts, which was really exciting.  We can't wait for the wedding to get more ;)  oh...and to just be married!

my gorgeous friends (and flower girl) that helped make the day perfect!

best flower girl ever :)  love her more than anything!

Events like this always make me so grateful.  I seriously have the BEST people in my life.  My family took time out of their lives to drive to Blono to spend a few hours with me.  I had friends drive 3 hours for a 2 hour shower!  My bridesmaids and 2 other close friends spent HOURS preparing for the shower.  (Who says you don't make life-long friends in high school?!  I know I sure did!)  It is humbling to know that so many people care that much.  I really don't know what I did to deserve so much love, but I will take it!

these ladies have been so amazing throughout the planning process :)
can't wait to have them stand up with me as I marry my guy!

With the shower over, the wedding is getting closer and closer!  We picked out our cake, we finalized our reception layout, and I had my first fitting for my dress!  People...I cannot tell you how excited I am to see that thing 6+ inches shorter.  I may cry...which is justified because it is seriously the PERFECT dress for me.  I can't wait to wear it when I marry Dan...I know I will feel more beautiful that day than I ever have :)

The bachelorette party is coming up, too!  We are going to spend the afternoon drinking wine at this amazing winery in Grafton, then we will have dinner and continue to drink at Ragin Cajun, this awesome dueling piano bar in Alton.  It's only going to be the best par-tay every!

68 days until I get to marry my best friend :)

Getting my sweat on...

When I was in HS, like many other girls around the world, I thought I was overweight.  I would have given anything to lose weight...besides eating better and working out!  Throughout HS, I fluctuated around 110lbs, give or take.  Now, let's remember that I am 4'10...on a tall day...so I don't carry extra weight very well.  There really isn't anywhere for it to go!  I never really let feeling "big" affect me, but I was definitely conscious of what I wore, and I had very little confidence.  Again, I was a pretty typical HS girl...which is a little sad, but that's a pet peeve for another time.

This June, on my wedding day, it will be 6 years since we have graduated HS. 6 YEARS?!  Not a clue where those years went, but they definitely came and went...and left roughly 20 extra pounds on me.  Yep, you read that right.  20 lbs.  People, I am 4'10!  20 extra pounds did not look good on me!  I officially had a FAT face, double chin and all.  My stomach is/was way too big for my proportions.  The whole deal.  I would look back at pictures from HS, and I couldn't believe I thought I was BIG at 110.  I mean, really?!

Well, when I got engaged a year ago (in 9 days), I decided I was NOT going to weight my heaviest on my wedding day.  I was going to do ANYTHING besides eat better and work out for HOURS a day.  I did pretty well.  I was working out at least 4 days a week from March - Sept(ish).  The scale BARELY moved.  It was incredibly frustrating, school started, and I pretty much gave up.  Don't get me wrong, I still wanted to look better for pictures, so I kept doing some physical activity...maybe 8 days a MONTH...pathetic.  Surprisingly, I didn't see any changes.  I probably gained a lot of weight, actually.  So in January my friend and I decided enough was enough.  She is getting married a few weeks after me, which has been super exciting from the get go, but having her as a partner in crime during the last home stretch of the current journey has been great!

Since January, I have lost 10lbs.  Yes, it has taken me 12 weeks, but I currently weigh right around 119.5lbs, and I am SO proud of that.  I finally decided that maybe I need to look at my diet.  My mantra has always been "I refuse to give that up!"  Guess what?!  I am sticking to it!  But guess what else?!  I CAN'T EAT ICE CREAM EVERY NIGHT AND BE UPSET I AM NOT LOSING WEIGHT!  I can count on one hand the amount of times I have had ice cream since January, and ice cream is my FAVORITE treat.  For the first time, though, I have decided that as much as I love ice cream, I hate my body more.  It isn't just ice cream.  It's candy sitting in my closet, it's buttery mashed potatoes, it's pasta...or anything delicious for that matter.  I refuse to tell myself that I can't have it.  I refuse to give up any of the things I love because I don't want to give up all those favorites to hit a magic number on a scale, only to gain all my weight back when I feel like I can start eating it all again.  HOWEVER...I eat a lot less of all of those things.  I am not eating pasta every night.  I have only touched the M&Ms and Laffy Taffy in the closet a few times (in 3 months, people!).  Ground turkey is taking over the role of ground beef.  Little changes, slow progress, big results.

On top of my food, I am working out consistently.  I aim for 5 days a week, and it doesn't always happen, but it does a lot!  We got a treadmill in January that has really helped...on THAT treadmill, I have ran OVER 50 miles in 3 months.  That is probably more miles than I have ran in my ENTIRE life.  It is amazing to me that in January, I could barely run a fourth of a mile without dying, and to date, the furthest I have gone non-stop is 1.5 miles.  Typically, I will get in a little over 2 miles, but I do a lot of intervals b/c this lady cannot RUN that far (yet).  Also, I am incorporating more strength training into my workouts.  This lady wants smoking "wedding arms" and a toned back for my strapless dress!

Feb 3 and Mar 16 :)

I still have a long way to go before I will be completely pleased, but hopefully I will get there eventually.  It is incredible to notice some changes so far!  My face looks thinner, in my opinion.  I don't notice the double chin as often.  Also starting to rock some biceps, which is AWESOME!

91 days!

Until I am a married lady!  I can't believe how quickly it is all coming up :)  A week from today, I get to have my bridal shower, and I am so excited!  My bridesmaids have been pretty amazing planning it all for me, and I feel so spoiled.  :)  A lot of lovely ladies will be attending, so it will be nice to see everyone!  I also get to do some cake-tasting next week at home...you people have no idea how excited I am for this!  Butterfinger, chocolate chip cookie dough, dark chocolate raspberry, banana, and strawberry! oh my ;)  (I may go over my calorie count that day!)  Also on the agenda is going to ISU to finalize our layout.  I met with catering, and we have our menu figured out...Dan is super excited about the Shafley beer (sp?) we are getting a keg of...while I am stoked they are getting some moscato for me ;)

Also. Also. Invites are in the works!  (so much work...)  I have been stamping our return addresses, putting stamps on, printing address labels, etc.  Hopefully they will look good, but more importantly, I sure hope they get the point across and people show up to this shin dig ;)

I'm not really sure what else is going on...I suck at updating this thing.  We are on Spring Break this week, which means I get a few days to make up some much needed hours at prac.  woo!  A few weeks ago I was in Seattle at a conference for the National Association of School Psychs.  It was nice, and I learned SO much!

OH!  We found out that Justin and Lauren are having a little lady!  Brenna Claire will be joining our family in July.  I can't wait for a new little one to snuggle and love ;)  I may have already ordered her something today...I swear, email coupons will be the death of me.  I will definitely have plenty of gifts by July at this rate ;)

So many exciting things in the works!

but...break just started!

Sad day, people.  It is my last weekend of freedom.  :(  Class starts back up on Monday, and naturally I am excited (hello!!!  I am a NERD) because this semester I get to take psychopathology, advanced bio psych, and behavioral assessment (and I have to take our second stats class...yuck!).  I am stoked stoked stoked.  Unfortunately, though, classes don't just stay in class...I will have a TON of work to do this semester, which is a little depressing, but if I survived my first semester of grad school with a 4.0, I can do anything ;)

Moving on...WEDDING UPDATE!

Dan and I went to look at wedding bands today :)  The band that matches my ring wasn't available, so the jeweler is getting a sample this week for us to go check out next week.  Then I will have to send my ring away for 2+ rings so they can make the band to line up / match it perfectly.  idk what I am going to do without it, but I cannot wait to have Dan put it on my finger at the wedding to complete the set :)  He is having trouble deciding on his, but he narrowed it down to 3 today!  When we go back next week, he will decide for sure.  It was fun :)

What else?  I ordered Aidan's flower girl dress :)  When we went to pick out her dress for the other weddings she was in, I saw her disappointment when she wasn't able to get the dress she wanted.  Thankfully, I am her aunt, not her parent, so I am able to spoil her a little and not feel like I am raising a brat!  I told her she would be able to pick a dress for my wedding because I really don't have a strong opinion about what she wears.  When we were deciding between white or purple, she said "um..I think PINK!" ...ok, so I apparently had a strong opinion about color ;)  When we got that cleared up, she tried on a few beautiful dresses (and one very ugly one...thankfully the consultant helped me out of that pickle!).  All she was really concerned with was the dress touching the floor "like the bride!"  We had one picked out, but we had to convince her she would be happy with where it touched the ground by getting a dress in her size to try on.  The consultant walked over the dress, and Aidan's eyes got so wide!  The dress skirt was fluffier than any dress she had tried on, and she fell in love. she was spinning all around, swinging that big ol' skirt.  I couldn't say no (hey!  I am the aunt!)  So that's the one she got!  It will be ivory tool on the bottom (a huge skirt) and a lavender on the top.  She will look gorgeous!

We also have all of the bridesmaid dresses ordered, the tuxes picked out, food was tasted by my mom and MoH.  I still need to go talk to ISU to finalize food / decor, but it's practically done!  We will be cake tasting ASAP, and we have our second (read final) marriage prep class for the Church coming up this month.  We are pretty excited to get this stuff taken care of.  Receiving the sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church is a huge blessing :)

Also!  There are dates set for my bridal shower and bachelorette party!  WOOOOOO!  So excited for this stuff!  We have less than 5 months until we tie the knot...this is getting real, people!  

If you don't hear from me for awhile, it's because I am under a pile of books ;)